By Brontë Tomkins
It’s not typically featured in a teacher’s job description, but every teacher is tasked with the ever-growing responsibility of maintaining a calm classroom while supporting students who are carrying increasingly high levels of stress and anxiety.
Teaching dozens of students with their own complex emotional needs is made even more challenging when outbursts or meltdowns trigger equally complex emotions in teachers. At the end of the day, it’s no surprise that maintaining calm classrooms is an ongoing, daily challenge for teachers across Australia.
Family therapist Lisa Taylor believes that the key to calmer classrooms may lie somewhere unexpected. Not simply with behaviour management strategies or reward systems, but with teachers understanding the emotional triggers that they have brought into the classroom and knowing how to respond to them.
Read the latest print edition of Schol News HERE
That’s not to say that behavioural management is not a vital tool in a teacher’s toolbox. However, these strategies become practically pointless if used by a teacher who is in a heightened state or reactive. As Lisa describes it, “children are extremely sensitive to adult emotional states, and they quickly pick up on tension or uncertainty”, with children likely to borrow or mirror that same emotional state. A classroom is a complex system of co-regulation, where nervous systems are like sponges, soaking in the emotions around them. Therefore, one of the most powerful methods to calm a classroom of sponges, is by modelling calmness that can be absorbed subtly and silently.
So, go out there and just be calm!
It sounds simple in theory, but why can it be so hard in practice?
Reaching a point of overwhelm is easily done in a classroom filled with young people whose nervous systems are still developing. Within a single lesson, a teacher may be supporting an anxious student who doesn’t want to do their worksheet, managing another who is acting out to get a few laughs from their peers, responding to someone arriving ten minutes late without their shoes on, while also dealing with the noise of 25 to 30 voices all competing to be heard over one another. Nothing about that naturally invites a sense of calmness.
Just as students internally respond to their teacher’s nervous system, teachers, in turn, are emotionally affected by their students.
Related School News story: Fostering wellbeing: Practical strategies for supporting students and staff
As a former teacher turned family therapist, Lisa Taylor is aware of how outbursts or challenging behaviour from students can also stir up something more personal for teachers. Old emotional scars caused by memories of feeling disrespected, unheard or out of control can arise from deep within us in moments of stress or pressure.
While it may not be possible for teachers to avoid feeling emotionally triggered, there are steps they can take when they recognise an emotional shift.
One of the clearest early signs that behaviour in the classroom has disrupted an adult’s emotional scar tissue is the move from responding thoughtfully to reacting instinctively. According to Lisa, “usually, the first signal appears in the body, a tight chest, quicker breathing, tension in the shoulders, or a sudden surge of frustration. These reactions happen almost instantly because the nervous system has moved into protection mode.”
After the unconscious physical reaction, there may be a behavioural shift that Lisa attributes to “a strong urge to regain control of the situation or make the behaviour stop immediately. This might show up as a sharper tone of voice, a raised voice, or a more authoritative posture”.
Lisa emphasises that step one is to notice the physical or behavioural shift. Step two is to make a change. Even something small like slowing your breathing, can help signal to the nervous system that you are safe. Lisa Taylor often encourages teachers to ask themselves a simple but powerful question: “Am I responding to the child in front of me, or reacting to the child within me?” A moment like this can provide a perspective shift and enough space for teachers to trade control for curiosity. Trade reaction for reflection.
On top of teachers understanding their emotional triggers, an added layer to Lisa Taylor’s view on creating calm classrooms hinges on teachers taking the time to understand the needs beneath a student’s behaviour.
“Behaviour is often communication, a signal that something isn’t working or that a child needs support” Taylor shares. “When behaviour is approached purely as something to control, fix or eliminate, the deeper message can be missed.” This can only strain the teacher-student relationship and minimise trust.
Taylor suggests that if teachers are able to adopt a curious perspective on student behaviour, they create opportunities for connection, empathy and growth. Importantly, it doesn’t mean abandoning boundaries or expectations, but rather finding a balance and space for understanding.
This is particularly important in moments of conflict between a student and teacher. Taylor refers to conflict as an inevitable part of any relationship dynamic and therefore “what matters most is how we respond afterwards,”. Practising emotional regulation during these moments, avoiding reactions and taking time to understand the student’s behaviour as communication rather than simple defiance can preserve and repair student-teacher relationships.
“A teacher acknowledging that a moment was difficult, or that they may have misunderstood something, models emotional honesty and accountability for students. When children see adults repair relationships after conflict, it builds trust and teaches them that relationships can recover and grow stronger.” – Lisa Taylor.
Lisa’s message is not about adding yet another responsibility to the incredibly full plates of teachers. Instead, it is about reframing the work they already do and lightening that emotional load long-term.
Calm classrooms, she suggests, are not created through perfect behaviour management, but through the adults at the helm, navigating their own complex emotions with patience and care. By recognising their own emotional triggers and responding to them rather than reacting, teachers can foster learning spaces that are calmer for everyone.
Lisa Taylor is a family therapist with more than 25 years’ clinical experience supporting parents and children. Based on Victoria’s Bellarine Peninsula, she works with families to build emotional safety, strengthen relationships and navigate conflict. Her new book, The Perfect Parent Trap, explores the pressures modern parents face and how adults can respond to children’s distress with greater awareness and compassion.
